she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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