Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
