I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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