people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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