ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
