How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
