Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
