we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
