we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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