drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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