first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
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Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
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you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
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