Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
