Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
