If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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