i wish my penis had a tongue
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
