Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
