Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
