Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
