i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
