i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
