i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
