I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
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I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You pole danced in your parka.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
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I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize