I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize