Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
