He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
