I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
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After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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