i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
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