Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
