I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
