the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
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