whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
The air taste purple.
Randomize
