i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I don't deserve a penis
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
