the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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