If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
