I'm so fucking centered right now
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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