Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
