tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
