Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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