Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
