So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
the condom got lost in my hair
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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