i just wanna soil my oats bro
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
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Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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