he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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