are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
