This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
