Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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