is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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