i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
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I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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