It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize