I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
