my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Randomize
