i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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