im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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