I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
