If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
