i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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