saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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