i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
