...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Best friends brother. Beat that.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
