I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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