And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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