Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
