Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
