I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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