So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize