This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
