you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
