I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize