Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize