Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
