why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
