The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize
