yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
