now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
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