So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You ruined the universe
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
