Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
