I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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