drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
