she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
