Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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