yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
