you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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