You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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