and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
