Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
